I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
