My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
