yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
