My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
