I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
