The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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