So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
