the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
