you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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