literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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