We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
