I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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