how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
