This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
