I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When are your genitals available?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
