You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
