so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
