I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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