You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
