mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
These tits shall not be calmed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
