I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
