Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
