My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
