so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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