i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
