If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
