We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
