you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
