Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
