I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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