sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
