i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
