She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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