did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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