I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
