Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
