So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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