I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
These tits shall not be calmed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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