i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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