I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
