he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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