She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
