ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
