Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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