I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
