I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
