i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
