cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
