I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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