Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
