it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
