i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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