Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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