I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
