Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
