genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
